Henrietta Hay's Column

Huh? What? Say again. "Did you say lemon pie?" "No, I said that's a pretty tie."

The hearing impaired, as we are called in politically correct language, have some interesting problems. One of them is that often we do not hear exactly what people say, but we do hear what they don't say! Henry Kisor wrote a book called What's That Pig Outdoors? Those were the words he thought someone was saying to him once, when the speaker actually said, "What's that big loud noise?" That sort of thing is embarrassing.

If we aren't careful, and even if we are, we may be called brain impaired or conversationally impeded or several things worse. I do realize that our handicap can upon occasion make it seem as though we're playing with a little less than a full deck, and that is a major trauma for us, or at least for me.

In our society we think nothing of wearing glasses. Some people wear them as a fashion statement, like Sally Jessy Raphael and her red specs. In fact, she had a contest in which her viewers chose the pair they liked best.

But mechanical help for a hearing loss is something else. Today's hearing aids are remarkably efficient but they still carry a stigma with lots of people. Some say they are unsightly. Some merely think everybody else has started mumbling. Many who do not realize that hearing loss occurs at all ages, think of them as an admission of aging, "No way, I'm not old yet." That concept is rapidly changing, however, as the baby boomers reap the harvest of many years of listening to excessively loud rock and roll, and discover that Elvis and his noisy followers are costing them their hearing.

Whatever our age, until the desire to hear becomes greater than vanity and pride, we avoid the decision. I passed that melting point long ago and cannot imagine life without hearing aids. I have just been going through the process of getting another new pair.

That's not easy. I can shop for a new a blouse, look at all the different styles and colors, and try them all on to see which one makes me look like Sophia Loren. Not so with hearing aids. It is nearly impossible to judge them objectively, so you need good professional help. At best, hearing aid technology is not perfect. Neither is space technology as we found out when the Hubbel telescope bit the cosmic dust. But it does make human intercommunication tremendously better.

Some types of hearing impairment cannot be helped by aids. There are other ways of coping. One beautiful, glamorous example of the use of sign language is Marlee Matlin who obviously does not consider deafness a serious handicap. She is a TV star and a spokesperson for the deaf. In a recent TV appearance in Picket Fences, she played a modern Robin Hood who went around robbing banks and smiling and talking furiously with her fingers while her husband translated sign language for the people being robbed. They were so fascinated watching her that they forgave her, almost.

We have a young man here in Grand Junction with a profound hearing loss, who copes very well. He graduated from Mesa State and is working on his Master's Degree. He got an extra bonus out of all his years of hard work and frustrations. He married his interpreter.

Living with a hearing loss is at best a frustrating problem. Fortunately I have good friends who understand that and help me listen. They interpret for me when people mumble and help me when I say "what" for the hundredth time. I know I'm a nuisance but my friends pretend I'm not. They are patient and understanding. In fact, my friend the philosopher knows by osmosis or my expression when I have not heard something and am trying to pretend that I did. She will often re-phrase what was said so that people won't know I didn't hear it. That's friendship.

In fact, since it's Thanksgiving Day as I write this, it is a good time to say on behalf of all the people who don't hear well, Thanks to all our friends.