Henrietta Hay's Column

Icarus wanted to fly. Jessica wanted to fly. Both of them had a lot of help from their fathers and both of them died before they had much time to live.

Greek mythology tells of Icarus escaping from Crete on artificial wings made for him by his father. Being young and exhilarated with flight, he ignored his father's advice and flew too close to the sun. The wax with which the wings were fastened to his body melted and he plummeted into the Aegean Sea.

Jessica, too, wanted to fly. Her father gave her wings. She too, symbolically, flew too close to the sun and fell to her death on a cold, wet Wyoming street.

Everyone who has a computer has written about Jessica Dubroff. I have been searching for some sort of an answer to the tragedy of her death. We didn't learn anything from the story of Icarus, and we probably won't from Jessica, but we can try.

All children are born with an urge to spread their wings, and good parents want them to do it. Somebody has to decide when the wings are strong enough and when the child - we hope - has enough maturity not to get so close to the sun that the wax melts. That's what parents are for.

Birds have figured it out fairly well. There is a hymn that speaks of, "The care the eagle gives her young, safe in the lofty nest." Enemies can't reach them, and the little birds are stuck there, probably complaining loudly, with their mouths wide-open waiting for food. The babies want to fly, and they do fly -- but not until their mother says they are big enough and strong enough. Then she pushes them out, teaches them how to use their wings, and goes about her business.

With humans it's a lot more complex. Social pressures are pushing our kids pell- mell into adulthood, and parents are scared. But still parents are expected to know when to protect and when to let go.

The Colorado Legislature thinks it will help solve the problem by giving the parents more power. HB1037, an amendment to the Colorado Children's Code, was passed in the House and is now being considered in the Senate. It says, among other things, "The right of parents to direct the upbringing, education, discipline and values of their children shall not be infringed upon." HB1037 does include the requirement that parental rights be consistent with the child protection provisions of the children's code

The Parental Rights people would go further. They have proposed an amendment to the state constitution, which will be on the ballot in November if enough signatures are gathered. It contains similar language, but does not include any reference whatsoever to the "best interests of the child." Why?

In the words of Dottie Lamm, "Because supporters of the parents rights movement in Colorado view children as the actual property of their parents."

Certainly parents are responsible for raising their children. But they don't own them. If the parental rights amendment is enshrined in the concrete of the constitution, it will be very difficult to protect children from actual abuse.

For all her mother's talk of Jessica's freedom and joy, Jessica was the property of her parents. They used her love of airplanes for their own gain. Of course we all helped them do it as we watched her on TV and applauded her effort -- until it ended in tragedy. Maybe we all have to share the guilt.

If we learned anything from little Jessica, I think it is that we simply must let our children be children for a while, protect them as best we can, encourage them and love them and say that awful word No, now and then.

My old friend Kahlil Gibran said it many years ago in The Prophet: "Your children are not your children. / They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. / They come through you but not from you, / And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you."

When they have grown their wings, we have to let them fly. It's tough being a parent.