Henrietta Hay's Column

"There's nothing worth watching on TV." Well now, surely out there in the stratosphere with 500 or so channels there is at least one thing for each of us. Granted that there is a lot of what might politely be called junk. Newton Minnow, then Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission thought so way back in 1961 when he said, "I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland."

But a lot of changes have taken place in television in 40 years, some bad, but a lot good. Fortunately we have those little black clickers that let us choose. As a political junkie, my favorite this year is West Wing. And in the morning along with my first cup of coffee, Diane and Charlie or Katie and Matt definitely help get the day going.

Whatever we may think of the programming, however, the advertisements have become a much a part of TV as the shows themselves and they are often a lot more fun to watch.

Last year TV Guide had an article featuring the 50 greatest commercials of all time. Their Number One was called "1984" and introduced the Apple Macintosh Computer in 1984. It ran only once, during Superbowl 1874 and cost Apple $400,00 to produce and $500,000 to air. Fifteen years later a minute of Superbowl time costs $3.2 million. "1984" was an early production ad with a marathon runner throwing a sledge hammer through Big Brother's video image, A symbolic portent of things to come?

No. 19 on their list is the first one I remember (wonder what that says about advertising). It is the delightful pink Energizer bunny that first appeared in 1989 and keeps going and going and going.

They didn't sell me, but obviously did sell millions of people -- those California raisins who sang and strutted and danced for us back in 1986. Actually, I did stop picking them out of sweet rolls. How could anyone completely reject those cocky, rotund little raisins?

Mr. Whipple is back. He first showed up in 1964 as the fussy store clerk, annoying the customers and saying, "Please don't squeeze the Charmin." In his return he is disappearing in a car with a trunk full of Charmin, assuring us that it is still the best.

There are some wonderful ads on TV. Often, however, the advertisers get so caught up in glamorous production numbers that you don't know what they are advertising. There was one obviously expensive ad for Mercedes that didn't even put the name on the screen, just the symbol. Of course, I guess that if you don't recognize the symbol you couldn't afford one anyway.

I don't know how many hard of hearing people there are in the world, but ads which fail to feature the name of the product visually are merely interesting dramas to us.

Some ads are actually dangerous. I cringe every time I see that new car going around a blind mountain curve on the left at what looks like 50 miles per hour. I don't see the glamour in watching two beautiful young people gazing soulfully at each other while they race down the narrow road in their new cars. And I truly want to throw a book through the screen when those two grim women fight each other for a parking space by speeding and sliding through the lot. I'm thankful I don't have a teen driver watching those, but I'm probably on the road with some who do.

But most of the ads are fun to watch. Remember that Bissell ad that has a bunch of Dalmatians with their spots sliding off? I always look forward to the Coke Christmas ad with those delightful polar bears. One of my all time favorites is the Michelin tire with the baby swinging in it.

There was a Campbell Soup ad that had ice skaters so hot they were melting the ice. The Doublemint Twins are a fun to watch, and, of course, the sad little Chihuahua is still wistfully muttering, "Yo Quiero Taco Bell." Wonder whether he ever got one.

If you really can't find anything you like to watch, you can always fast forward through the programs and watch the ads.