Henrietta Hay's Column

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice. She was referring to her feet, but I feel just like Alice when I read about some of the weird things that are going on in our world. I am not referring to earth-shaking events, but to the things that keep us interesting.

For instance, the Department of Agriculture has found a way to keep the jelly in sandwiches from soaking the bread, a breakthrough that may save the peanut butter industry, and countless school kids from malnutrition. After all, grape jelly on the outside as well as the inside of the famous pb & j sandwich does not do a lot for a kid's appetite, to say nothing of his books. It seems that scientists have created a thin edible film that goes inside the sandwich and keeps the jelly from oozing through the bread. Honest! You spread the peanut butter on the bread, apply the jelly, then lay this slice of edible, moisture-proof stuff over it and then slap on the top bread slice. Result: jelly stays where you put it.

There are a couple of problems, though. The film is made of an acid found in coconut oil, which is not good for the little dears, and a chemical found in lobster and crab shells, which has not been approved for human consumption. So much for science Actually, I have a better non-scientific answer. I prefer my peanut butter sandwiches with mayonnaise and a slice of onion, but probably most people would prefer risking crab shells.

The really weird accidents tend to happen in California. A Greyhound bus rear-ended a tractor-trailer hauling tomatoes on one of their busy freeways. Fortunately a few passengers were only slightly injured, but the accident splattered enough tomatoes to force the closure of the highway. There were rumors that there was a sudden increase in the consumption of tomato soup in the area.

Of course California does not have a corner on the unusual. We have our share of oddities here in Colorado and some of them are political. This one is not any odder than a lot of others, but Guffey, a town of 22 in Park County has a mayor named Whiffey le Gone. Whiffey was selected after her predecessor, Smudge le Plume disappeared, we know not where. Both these estimable females are cats. Guffey has a history of feline mayors. Their first one was Paisley, who died in office. She was elected in 1987 for reasons known only to Guffeyites. The mayor's office and food dish are in the General Store, owned by Pam Whiteman. Whiffey le Gone, was nearly gone when she was rescued from the animal shelter in Canon City. Her nose is scarred and her ears are torn. But she has risen from a miserable street existence to a life of political fame and public service. Vive la cat.

Ski patrol members are used to rescuing people in down parkas and ski boots, but have not had too much experience with creatures completely encased in wool. This winter a yearling ewe was spotted after an avalanche charge went off 100 yards from of her at the 12,000-foot level of the Electra ski run in Telluride. When the rest of the flock moved down to the low country in September, she apparently wasn't listening. That's what happens when kids don't pay attention to their mothers. She was living on grass foraged from under five feet of snow. The patrolmen pushed and pulled her onto a snowmobile and put her up in the patrol shock for the night, where she dined on spinach salad, potatoes and carrots donated by the restaurant on top of the mountain. The next morning they loaded her onto a toboggan and she went down the hill faster than she had ever dreamed of going. She was given the honorary name of Electra, and we hope next year she will go to her winter pasture with more dignity, but perhaps less fun.

British workingmen are getting a break in the local pubs. A recent government order says that a pint of beer is a pint of beer is a pint of beer and the head doesn't count. Pub owners are going to have to buy new glasses large enough to contain the full 20-ounce pint of liquid, plus the creamy head. Ah to be in England now that -- oh well, skip that one.

And there is the story of the unidentified man who thought he was Cochise. He shot arrows at an American Eagle plane as it was approaching the Michiana Regional Airport. A flight attendant saw two arrows fly past a window. The plane escaped injury.

As I said, sometimes I feel like Alice. It's time to go back through the looking glass.