Henrietta Hay's Column

From my vantage point of years and experience, I watch with some bemusement the huge amounts of material being written and spoken about the aging of the baby boomers. I have a birthday this week, which is inching perilously close to the eightysomethings, so I have some problems with reading about geriatric aids for the fortysomethings.

Stephen Milamed has been researching products for the disabled and elderly for years. According to him, such products hardly made a ripple in the market at first. The disabled seemed such a small segment of the population. But now his business is booming. He says that, "All of a sudden we're looking at the needs of the aging baby boomers."

Recently 2000 exhibitors at the International Housewares Show featured consumer products designed to make life easier for everybody, but especially those who are, to be politically correct, chronologically impaired.

The most amazing product is a bathtub with a door in the side. Honest. I even saw a picture of it. It lets people step into the tub rather than having to hoist their aging 40-year-old bones over the rim to get in. I have this image of a naked person of indeterminate age stepping into the empty tub, sitting down on the cold tile and turning on the water, which would probably be cold at first. The mind boggles. There is no data on how many of the tubs spring leaks and deposits the bath water on the bathroom floor or how many people absent-mindedly open the door to step out without draining the water.

I shouldn't make fun of this latest addition to modern living. Such a tub might be a wonderful thing for someone who is disabled or has real problems climbing into and out of a tub and doesn't mind risking cold water, but it does seem a little extreme to market it for the boomers.

I have been aging for years, but since the "aging" of the boomers has coincided with technological advances, they get all the attention. Of course they invented most of the technology, but it still isn't fair. I had to climb over the edge of the tub when I was forty.

I am grateful to the boomers for these new products that are so useful and helpful to all of us. Take doorknobs. If you have soap or gravy on your hands, or if you lack strength in your hands, turning a doorknob is difficult. Handles instead of doorknobs make a lot more sense and can be turned with your elbow or even your chin if you're short enough.

There is a pill container which records the time a medication was last taken and includes two ounces of water for helping you to swallow the pill. It even has a little straw that pops out. It was especially designed for senior citizens with multiple daily prescriptions but it could also be very handy on an airplane or a long hike in the desert.

I even read about a new way to wash your hands. My usually reliable filing system refuses to disgorge the article, but I think it followed the hepatitis outbreak in Denver. Somebody, a boomer no doubt, has marketed a machine for restaurants. It is like a pair of miniature dishwashers. You stick a hand in each opening in the machine, and your hands get treated just like a dinner plate. I can see a lot of merit in that.

One new development lets the boomers and all the rest of us cheat a little bit. When the pre-boomers started wearing bifocals, everybody knew it and we were marked. Now with the coming of graduated lenses, whatever your age or sex your need for bifocals can become a secret only you and your optometrist know.

We have a lot of things to thank the boomers for. One is that they are getting older and creating a demand for things that make life easier for all of us. Another is that they are smart enough to invent them. But the idea of geriatrics for fortysomethings still strikes me funny.

P. S. I wish I could claim that last week's column did it, but at least somebody up there agrees with me. Last week the Lady Buffs officially became the C. U. Women's Basketball Team. And about time.