Henrietta Hay's Column

Grace under pressure! I have always liked the phrase, but it took Dorothy Parker to pin down what it means. In an interview with Ernest Hemingway, quoted in the New Yorker in 1929, she said, "Exactly what do you mean by guts? 'I mean, Hemingway said, 'grace under pressure.'" Sometimes it is obvious to everyone. Sometimes it is so quiet and private that only a few are aware of it.

The phrase kept coming back as I watched Nancy Kerrigan skate her first required performance at Lillehammer. It is impossible for us to understand the kind of self-imposed pressure world-class athletes are under as they approach the Olympics. In most cases, with the possible exception of Tommy Moe, their lives have been building to that moment from childhood. Their coaches have been honing their physical skills and sports psychologists have been building their emotional strength. When some kind of trauma breaks that concentration they are in real trouble.

Nancy Kerrigan learned that this year but managed to pull it all together in seven weeks. In the days before the competition she maintained a dignified silence and kept her clothes on in public. In Lillehammer she skated flawlessly in complete, graceful control.

Grace under pressure is usually not so public a thing. I know a woman who is gracious and friendly and unassuming. On casual meeting she seems not to have a worry in the world beyond the concerns of any woman in her seventies.

Actually, she cares for her retarded daughter, and several years ago an accident left her husband brain-injured and bedfast for the rest of his life. She spends hours every day at the nursing home with him. She never complains. That's just the way life is sometimes. And now the final blow! Her eyesight has started to go. She had to give up driving and must rely on cabs and friends to get to the nursing home. She can no longer read the labels on the cans at the grocery store or the price tags on clothing. But she still smiles and makes you feel that all is well with the world. Grace under pressure.

Several years ago I was a guest at a wedding. It was, as are most weddings, very beautiful. The bride and groom were glowing. The four parents were proud and happy. But this wedding had a special poignancy. The youngest brother of the groom watched the ceremony from a wheelchair at the very front of the church.

Some months before, a healthy, happy 18 year old took off for a day of skiing. An automobile accident changed his life and that of his family forever. He spent the rest of that short life unable to move any part of his body except his eyes. He was an honored part of the wedding party. This was a family affair and he was very much a part of it. A whole family showed grace under pressure.

Grace comes early sometimes. I know a little five-year-old girl who has had to wear braces on her feet since birth. She has had several surgeries and walking is very painful for her. But it doesn't slow her down one bit. She is one of the most vitally alive and determined people I know. One evening she and some other children were dancing around for the sheer joy of movement. She was not as smooth as the other children, but she had her own grace and it was so beautiful to watch. She is without self-consciousness or self-pity. Grace under pressure is not a matter of age.

I know a woman who was a marathon runner before a double mastectomy. She is still a marathon runner. Running was normal before the surgery and she chose to return to normalcy afterward. By her attitude and her actions she is saying to other women, "Hey, cancer is not a death sentence. Don't be afraid."

Guts or grace under pressure? It's all the same.