Henrietta Hay's Column

I had no idea that getting my knee fixed would turn my brain to mush. A week of house detention has made me realize how very easy it is to retreat from the real world and spend your time mindlessly watching television and reading mysteries. Actually, both are pleasant activities, but they can get a bit boring.

The latest book in Sue Grafton's alphabet series, M is for Malice, has been a one of the high spots of the week. I am very fond of Grafton's private eye, Kinsey Millhone. Kinsey takes a somewhat jaundiced look at the world, but is honest and sensitive. She is, in her own words, "...female, single, thirty-five years old . . . in the southern California town of Santa Teresa." She gets up at 6:00 am every day and runs three miles, which would set her apart from me if nothing else did. But on the other hand we share a liking for peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. We have through the years become very good friends. In this, the 13th in her alphabet series, she finds a missing person who promptly gets himself murdered and -- but you'll have to find out for yourself.

I didn't like the "L" volume very much, but this one is up to Grafton's early standards. She is an excellent writer.

The other book that kept me company is First Wives Club. I missed the movie, but the book is great fun. The four husbands who dumped their wives inspired the First Wives Club, and really got their comeuppance. This is a story of revenge, which has female survivors of divorce laughing out loud.

And then there was television. What can you say about a week of television, which includes the daytime shows? There is one very bright spot, however. I have liked Rosie O'Donnell ever since her entertaining job in A League of Their Own. Now she has her own show every afternoon, which I found to be the best of the daytime collection. If any of her guests come from dysfunctional homes or hate their mothers, they have not said so. Rosie is a wonderful comic with a great sense of humor and the ability to laugh at herself. She obviously cares about her guests and makes them the stars.

As an inveterate channel surfer, I got bits of some of the stuff I hate to think anybody listens to. I used to like Sally Jessy Raphael when she was on radio and knew all the answers to everything. But her show now and Ricki Lake's are the most unbelievable drivel. I know some people have troubles and are unhappy and are angry and hate their families, but I find that listening to them yelling at full volume on television is very offensive. Is it my generation showing?

And then of course you cannot ignore late night talk radio. My friends think I am out of my mind listening to some of it, and they may be right. For some odd reason, though, I find that the more obnoxious the stuff being said, the faster I can go to sleep.

Most of the "shows" (I hate to dignify them with the word) consist of virulent anti-government, anti-Clinton conversation with Ollie North and others of his political persuasion. They are often so far out they get almost funny.

But for really funny, try the after midnight talk. I have learned all sorts of stuff. Did you know the real reason the people who call in must protect their right to keep their guns? They have to be prepared to fight the federal government, but there is an even greater threat. They are preparing to defend themselves against aliens, who are about to descend and take over the world. There is something out there is space that some astronomer has seen but won't talk about. It may or may not have aliens on it and it may or may not be coming our way. Stay tuned.

Now that the knee is fixed I can return to my pro-basketball career -- or at least to normal activities in the real world. But it is a little hard sometimes to know what is real and what is not.