Can we have it all? Well, no. Nobody can have it all. But today's
women can sure have most of it, certainly more of it than we had in the
past three centuries in America. The recent furor about career vs.
babies takes us back to those early days. Women in my generation
were expected to get married, have babies and stay home to take care of
them. That is still a valid choice, but it is a choice, not a demand.
Until the mid twentieth century, woman were not free to decide whether
to have a career or a family or to combine the two. There were a few
notable exceptions, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton who planned the Seneca
Falls Convention and wrote extensively for women suffrage while
producing and caring for five kids. But that was certainly not called a
"career" in the 19th century.
Then along came Betty Friedan in 1963 with her book "The Feminine
Mystique," and started a revolution. She asked, "Is this all?" Many
women said, "No, it is not all. We want more," and through the years
more and more women are choosing to have both a career and children.
Nobody says it's easy, but today it is a choice.
Every time I think the development of women's rights is on a fairly
straight path, somebody starts another war. Sylvia Hewlett's book,
"Creating a Life" did it this time. "Time magazine had a feature story
recently based on the book. It is full of anxiety producing
statistics on childbirth, or, as Ellen Goodman said, "statistics about
whether uppity women end up alone. Or at least without children."
But look at the women who are cracking the glass ceilings. Almost all
of them have children. It would seem that the future of our country is
still safe.
Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsberg sit on the Supreme Court.
Both have children. Most of the female Senators and Representatives
have children. Of the fifty most powerful women in American Business
listed each year in Fortune, most have children.
So what's the argument about this time? The age at which women should
have their children. Hewlett's book points out that 27 is the age at
which a woman's chance of getting pregnant begins to decline. By 40 the
chances of an uneventful pregnancy are down to 8%.
Her advice to young women is pretty funny to those of us who have been
there. She concludes that young women should, "Figure out what you want
your life to look like at 45 and be as strategic about your private life
as you are about your professional life."
How many of us had even the vaguest idea at 20 of what we would be doing
at 45? Where's the fun in planning every step of the way? John Lennon
said, in one of my favorite bits of philosophy, "Life is what happens
when you are making other plans."
What Hewlett ignores is that every young woman is different, with
different dreams and hopes. A very few are headed in a direct path
when they are children. My granddaughter knew at 5 that she wanted to
be an opera singer. But I didn't figure out until I was 75 what I
wanted to be when I grew up.
So it comes down to choice and luck and fate -- and, of course,
economics. But a women can make choices as she goes along and that's
what's new. She can aim at the moon and run for President, or she can
be the world's happiest housewife. Or she can just live and love and
have fun and play it one day at a time.
Can we have it all? No, but we can choose our paths.