Henrietta Hay's Column

Resolved: To keep my desktop and my kitchen cabinets and my closet neat in 1994. That's not a new idea for me. I make the same resolution every year. So far it hasn't worked. There are two kinds of people in the world - those who are extremely neat and the slobs. Well, let's amend that. There is a continuum, with varying degrees of neatness and I come along in the middle, somewhere between kind of neat and pretty messy.

I have one friend who can't abide clutter and keeps all her flat surfaces free of extraneous objects when she is not using them, the objects, that is, not the surfaces. I envy the look, but it's not "me." And I know other people whose homes look like a garage sale. That's not "me" either.

Why is it so hard for most of us to throw away the stuff we don't use or need? This year, once again, I have made a passing effort to do something about it. I resolved that each Monday morning I would toss a garbage bag full of stuff I don't really need any more in the dumpster. Great idea. It worked the first week when I was sick and didn't have the strength to argue with myself and didn't care one way or the other. But with returning energy, I am resisting.

One main trouble spot is the closet. The rule of thumb there is that if you haven't worn something for two years (or is it one?), you toss it. But gee, I really liked that blouse once and it's almost new. Of course, I haven't worn it since I retired. And those old dirty Adidas. I might have to wade in a mud puddle some day.

The kitchen is another problem area. The pictures you see in the magazines show cabinet tops as clean as operating rooms. Nothing as mundane as food spoils the picture. But I seem to have jars of this and that and a coffee mill and a coffee maker and other odds and ends right out there in plain sight. I did make one concession this year. I had been collecting those pretty little jars of spices and they looked great. I hoped to convince people that I am a gourmet cook, sprinkling a little of this and a little of that.

Actually, most of them were simply collecting dust. I have no idea what to sprinkle them on. So I threw most of them out. One Brownie point for 1994.

But my home office is more of a problem. Desktops are the ticking bombs. I have studied office desks of professional people, and they run the gamut. There are some people whose desks that are so sterile that a pen seems like clutter, and others whose desks demand penicillin. But either way, the owners seem to function quite efficiently.

Erma Bombeck several years ago claimed to be the winner of the Most Disorganized Home Office contest. She claims that it takes a superior mind to work at a cluttered desk. Thanks, Erma. My desk is not exactly cluttered, but I did count 14 objects, including the telephone, two In trays, and a couple of novelty paperweights that my kids have sent me, including a piece of the rail of the old Fruita railway. I consider all of these essential to proper functioning.

The loose pieces of paper in those In baskets are the major problem. The rule of thumb, other people's thumbs, is to handle each paper only once but hey - who can do that? The pile consists of letters to be answered eventually, appeals for money requiring a decision, ads for stuff I might possibly want some day, newspaper clippings waiting to be filed and indexed and other oddly assorted minutiae. So the pile grows higher and higher, but I don't think I'm in Erma Bombeck's class yet.

Oh well, it is still early in 1994 and with perseverance; I may be able to clear the basket by 1995.