Henrietta Hay's Column

I have always enjoyed the pure intellectual exercise of, for want of a better word, discourse. I don't mean analyzing profound subject matter, but rather sitting around with friends, or even non-friends, discussing political, social and philosophical issues for the sheer fun of the exchange of ideas without personal anger or hurt feelings and no effort to convert. It is exhilarating.

One of my readers who understands that wrote and said, "I am a faithful reader of your column and I rarely ever agree with what you have to say...However, the piece you did recently expressed my thoughts completely ...(Signed) a faithful but not always agreeable reader." Another man last year didn't agree with me about much except our mutual love of our pet cats. These readers know the fun of playing with ideas.

For many years my chief protagonist in this hobby was a man with whom I spent many a table-pounding hour while his wife looked on with bemusement, or was it amusement? I did have to be careful, though. One time I was traveling to Phoenix with them and he insisted on arguing while he drove, waving both arms at the same time. I finally convinced him that we should stick to the weather and scenery while he was driving. But when we all went to dinner that night he fed me some sort of liquid concoction and said, "Now we'll discuss." And we did for hours. Over the years, we covered politics, the state of the union, war and peace and every social issue of the day. We enjoyed every minute of it and never got mad--at least not for very long.

A number of years ago we had a wonderful Great Books Group in Grand Junction. For ten years we read the classics and searched as a group for Truth and Beauty and a lot of other good stuff. I remember one participant who insisted that a woman could never be a philosopher. I still have great admiration and affection for him, which shows the value of discussion without mayhem. Another thing we searched for through the years was an eternal truth. We never found one.

Our founding fathers were highly skilled in discussion, or so we have been led to believe. Of course, a duel or two did follow some of the discussions so they may not have been completely friendly. The Constitution and Declaration of Independence were the result of the exchange of ideas, people talking and people listening. Somehow I get the feeling that we do not have much of the same sort of discourse today. Most people are not willing to take the time or trouble to listen. We do not want to risk having our prejudices colored by facts.

The chief barrier to real discussion is that we have become polarized in most areas of our lives. That leads a lot of people to want to convert everybody else to their particular beliefs. That need to convert, be it religious, political or social, stops discourse cold. Discourse requires mutual respect for the opinions and motives of others and that is becoming a rare commodity in America.

Fortunately, true dialogue can still be found occasionally. For many years I did not join the League of Women Voters, much as I admired it, because I thought I was too partisan to join a non-partisan organization! I finally got smart enough to realize that the League is one of the few places in this country where true discourse still exists. The members study issues from all sides, they discuss them thoroughly and they respect all opinions. When they finally take a position people listen.

In my search for the ideal discussion, I have considered whom I would most like to have lunch with. I considered Phyllis Schlafley, just to get my blood flowing. To paraphrase my reader's words, I have never yet heard her say anything I agree with, but who knows, maybe she shares my fondness for cats. Nah. One of us would stalk out before the salad. I might pick William S. Buckley for his wit. I don't much like what he says but I respect the way he says it. James Kilpatrick is one with whom I agree now and then and he might make an interesting lunch date. But I think the real prize would be to have lunch with Kilpatrick and Hillary Clinton. They're both smart, they can both talk, they can both listen and they probably don't agree on much. What a treat.

Meanwhile, I'm open to discourse any time.