Henrietta Hay's Column

From time to time I feel compelled record some random thoughts about language - some of the awful things and some of the funny things we are doing to it. Maybe they are the same.

The last time I wrote about this, I protested changing parts of speech to fit a passing whim. I think far and away the most creative example of this unfortunate habit was the quote in the Sentinel when Kevin Van Gundy announced his candidacy for county commissioner and said, " . . .That's the concept of generativity, one generation taking care of another."`

Two of my favorite philosophers are Calvin and Hobbes. They aired an opinion on this subject when Calvin said, "I like to verb words." "What?" asked Hobbes. "I take nouns and adjectives and use them as verbs. Remember when 'access' was a thing? Now it's something you do. It got verbed. Verbing weirds (sic) language." Hobbes had the last word, as he often does. "Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding."

We're working on it. Instead of verbing, many people are "adjectiving," trying to see how many words hay can string together to form an adjective. A Labor Department memo recently spoke of a strong promotion from within policy. Others use even more words: low female labor force participation rate, and the capital gains tax reduction proposal. Phrases like human rights abuses and a welcome step in the reform process have become so common that we accept them, but they're still fuzzy.

There are the word substitutions that deliberately cloud the meaning of a word or phrase. A friend of mine gave me a few of her pet peeves, including resourcing instead of providing materials, facilitating instead of leading, interface (can't we just meet?).

Jack Kisling likes colorful language, and says we started losing it when mass communication joined high tech. He says, "Clarity of expression is tolerated only among the untrained and the unsophisticated. Nothing betrays the unprofessional person as fast as saying what he means." There are several rules. Never use a short word if a long one can be found. Never use words one at a time if several are available. Amateurs marry. Professionals enter into meaningful relationships. Amateurs drive cars. Professionals operate personal transportation systems. It rains on amateurs. Precipitin descends on professionals. "This plays hell with colorful language, says Kisling. " Imagine singing, "O say can you perceive?" or "Little White Misstatements."

Bureaucrats and lawmakers, both local and national, are not famous for the clarity of their language.

In the Time magazine that arrived just today, I found this comment, obviously made by a cynical if verbose bureaucrat, "When Bill Clinton's back is to the wall, when he is on the tracks and the train is close, he will always do what is best for survival." Who wouldn't? I would assume he means jumping off the tracks and letting the train run into the wall, but it is a little hard to picture.

Last year the Colorado Legislature considered a bill to exclude obfuscating verbiage. Well, it would have required that bills be written in plain language. I was not surprised when Dan Prinster told me that it did not pass, but a sign I saw recently proves the need for it. On a corral fence at a guest ranch is this sign, "WARNING. Under Colorado law, an equine professional is not liable for an injury to or the death of a participant in equine activities resulting from the inherent risks of equine activities." OK. If you fall off a horse, it's your tough luck, but if you get hit by a baseball while you are on the horse, you can sue the batter.

Some ventures into creating new language are hard to classify. One of my favorite ads says, "Nothing makes glasses more spotless." An item in a Florida paper tells us that "A wedding aboard a luxurious cruise boat can run from $3,000 to $20,000 if someone wants to go overboard."

I don't want to get into Politically Correct language right now, but some kind soul did tell me that I can improve my self-image by calling myself cooking impaired. Maybe there is something to be said for changes in language.