Henrietta Hay's Column

We hear a lot of moaning today that, "things aren't like they used to be." No, they aren't but I can't understand why people are so surprised. Two world wars and several smaller ones, a youth rebellion in the 60's, the feminist movement in the 70's have forced major social changes. I grew up in those "used to be" years, and I don't think the changes are all bad, but good or bad we have to live with them. One of the changes that we seem to be having a lot of trouble getting used to is the fact that sexual harassment is now against the law.

Johnathan Prevette, 6, kissed a little girl on the cheek, a perfectly innocent gesture at 6 or at 26, or 86 for that matter if she was willing. But it was against the rules in Jonathan's school. As everyone in America knows by now, he was punished for breaking the school rule that says that says kissing is a no no, and had to miss the ice cream treat.

I don't have very many memories of my early childhood, but I do remember - or I think I do - my first kiss. The little boy and I were both about 5, and I am certain that neither of us was damaged for life by the experience. I even remember his name, but as a matter of journalistic discretion I won't endanger his reputation by divulging it. He became a banker in Rocky Ford in later years.

One of my friends remembers her first kiss, shared with a little boy who is now an alcoholic farmer. She thinks I had better instincts.

Of course the whole stolen kiss episode was pretty foolish. I'm sure the school wishes it had never happened, although I got the impression that his parents were not too unhappy. They report that they have been offered $100,000 for the movie rights and they have gotten lots of publicity.

Another incident in the past few weeks further highlights the problems schools are facing in trying to walk a fine line between essential rules that society demands, and good judgment. A New York seven year old kissed a classmate and yanked a button off her skirt. He got suspended for five days, and served three before he was sprung.

It is very easy to laugh at or condemn the schools for such rigidity. It is not, however, acceptable to laugh at sexual harassment. It is against the law.

Through the years sexual harassment, although not defined or discussed, was taken for granted by both men and women. It was the natural way of the world until the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the establishment of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 1980. Women finally were able to say, "Whoa. Enough now. This has got to stop." But as historians have been trying to tell us, social change takes place slowly and with great pain and confusion and a lot of silliness.

Sooner or later, we are going to have to learn where to draw the line between acceptable business relations between the sexes and unjust sexual control of anyone of either sex by a person in a position of power -- between warmth and unwanted advances. Sexual harassment is awfully hard to define. Little Jonathan got tripped up by our not knowing.

The Navy is learning where the line is the hard way. Businesses are struggling with it. It has been especially hard for schools. Kids have to be allowed to be kids, but at the same time they have to be protected. Teachers and administrators are expected to do both, to be wise enough to know when touching ceases to be normal childish activity and becomes something potentially dangerous.

Interestingly enough, the very people who insist on stricter discipline in the schools are the first to yell if they don't like the rules.

Yes, this case was pretty silly, but I think Johnathan will be fine, even without his ice cream.

I wish we all had the good judgment to know exactly where that fuzzy line is in every case. But it is far more important that we all have zero tolerance for sexual harassment. I'm glad that things are no longer "like they used to be."