Henrietta Hay's Column

Guilty. Guilty of taking responsibility for your life. Guilty of trying to pull out of a bad situation. Guilty of doing what society asks you to do. Guilty of "Committing Day Care." Sentence: Take your daughter away from you.

Jennifer Ireland, at the age of 16, had a baby. The news stories don't tell where the father, her high school boyfriend, was during her pregnancy and for the next three years. What they do tell us is that Jennifer dug in and refused to give up her future. She lived with her mother, cared for her daughter, finished high school and won a full scholarship to the University of Michigan. Last fall when she started college, she was forced to sue the father for child support. He responded by suing for custody of Maranda, now three.

Judge Raymond Cashen of Macomb County, Michigan, issued a ruling so outrageous that it is hard to discuss rationally. He decided that Maranda should go to her father so that she could be raised by "blood relatives" rather than by "strangers." Judge Cashen wrote, "There is no way that a single parent attending an academic program at an institution as prestigious as the University of Michigan can do justice to their (sic) studies and the raising of an infant child...the minor child will be raised and supervised a great deal of the time by strangers..."

The young father lives with his mother, who by the judge's order will raise Maranda. The judgment in this case was not based on the fitness or skill at parenting on the part of either the mother or the father. In fact, in his statement the judge indicated that he didn't think much of either one of them. It was decided solely on the judge's opinion that the child would be better off with a blood relative than with a mother who uses day care while she attends class. It says nothing about the quality of the blood relative, or the quality of the day care. And it says nothing about the quality of mothering and bonding that Maranda has received for three years.

I'm not sure what century this judge is living in. Women compose nearly half the American labor force. In 1991 58% of those women had children under six. Day care, in one form or another is a fact of life in the 1990's.

Being a working mother is difficult enough at best, whether you are Jane Pauley with enough money to hire the best nanny, or the poorest working mother in Grand Junction struggling to get along. What does this decision say to all of these working mothers? What does it say to the college women across the country that are going to school and raising children? What does it say to women on public assistance who are told to go out and get a job?

Of course, we all agree that the goal is to give each child the best possible care. Each family has to decide what that is, based on its economic situation and value system. But all too often the best interest of the child has gotten caught up in politics and social agendas. To penalize working mothers where they are most vulnerable by taking their children away from them is incredibly short-sighted and self-defeating and unbelievably cruel.

Here we have a young woman who is trying to break the cycle of poverty that follows so many teen mothers. She is obviously ambitious for herself and her daughter. She worked hard enough in high school to win a full scholarship to a top university. She lives with her mother weekends and during the summer. She is raising her daughter. And what do we do to her? We take her daughter away from her because of the outmoded beliefs of one judge.

Some say America is throwing its children away. We have to wonder.

Guilty. Guilty of trying to be a good mother. Guilty of "Committing Day Care." Sentence: Loss of custody of your daughter.

POSTSCRIPT: On November 8, 1995, the Michigan Court of Appeals Reversed the decision. Miranda stayed with Jennifer. -DCH