Henrietta Hay's Column

President Lamm. Has a nice ring to it. Dick Lamm has been one of my favorite politicians - and human beings - for many years and the phrase Lamm for President does sound good. Time will tell how serious he is, although I hate to see his name in the same paragraph as Ross Perot's.

"First Lady Dottie Lamm," on the other hand, is scary. The thought of Dottie Lamm becoming raw meat for the political spinmeisters, the hungry press and all of Washington's good old boys is not a happy one. She doesn't deserve that. But then, what woman does?

I've known and admired Dottie Lamm for years. We worked together on the Commission on Women and she has continued to work unceasingly on issues of special importance to women and children. She is a published author and has been for many years a columnist for the Denver Post where she continues to express her views regularly. Is Washington ready for that?

First lady bashing is good old American custom, right up there with mom and apple pie. First ladies, according to the powers that be, are expected to be silent accessories for their men, like neckties and cuff links. Their function is to gaze adoringly at their husbands (like Nancy Reagan), to set styles in fashion (like Jackie Kennedy), to overcome personal adversity (like Betty Ford) and to be the grandmother of the nation (like Barbara Bush). Whatever kind of women they actually were, if they ever stuck their heads up out of the image, Heaven help them.

But times have changed. Most presidential wives in the future will probably be professional women with careers of their own - and opinions of their own. The vicious Hillary bashing is a warning to those women yet to come: remember your place and never, never try to step out of it.

First lady bashing has gotten extremely expensive. The cost of "getting" Hillary has been phenomenal. Millions of dollars of taxpayer money have been spent on the Whitewater investigation, and new investigations get added almost daily. They are planned more to discredit Hillary than to defeat Bill, but "they" figure they are getting two for the price of one. We do not know all that happened in Arkansas and Washington, and judging from the thousands of pages of dull verbiage from various committees, the truth will probably never be known. No crimes have been discovered.

In the worst-case scenario, the rapiers are already being sharpened for Elizabeth Dole A recent article in the New Yorker details some of her "questionable" financial transactions. Her southern lady charm might protect her for a little while, but they'd get her eventually.

If -- some day -- Dottie Lamm should move into that big white house she will not be spared. She has what seems like a blameless record, but "they" will be able to find something to investigate. After all, she grew up in California, the land of the flakes and the nuts.

Then too she is the wife of an ex-governor of one of those funny little states out west and you know what them thar little states are like. She is not an attorney, but she is an author and a professional woman. Her degree in psychiatric social work is from Occidental College in Los Angeles. Oops! Social worker. That is suspicious. She is an openly avowed feminist and is pro-choice. Double oops! That'll really do it. That should be enough for several million dollars worth of government investigation.

First lady bashing used to be a game. Now it an expensive art form and we the taxpayers are paying for most of it. The message is going out from the good old boys in Washington: we have to keep these intelligent, competent, pushy, professional first ladies in their place.

Hillary has proved that she is tough enough to take it. Dottie and Elizabeth are experienced, committed professionals. I think they will ignore the message.

One does wonder what will happen when we have a First Husband, but I think he'll be quite safe.

First Lady Dottie Lamm. I like it.